lately,
I go to write a blog update,
and I write a whole song.
then I get busy,
working out the lyrics and hearing the music in my head,
that either I’ve worked through what I need to say
or I realize that I should just save it to really throw everyone off on what I’m up to.
I dont like posting my lyrics for a couple reasons
1) I’m completely terrified that someone will steal stuff, and even though they’re copyrighted, they’re not recored, so I get myself in a silly little panic that if someone took my words and used them, how the hell would I prove it?
1 1/2) they’re too good to me to have the person who steals it, waste it.
they couldn’t possibly really understand what the words meant when I wrote them.
I wish I could post them so if you relate, you could feel that someone understood, so you could learn them, and think of them to describe the way you feel, like I do with my favorite lyrics (not to imply that they would be your favorite, haha, but you get my point) or that you could push through whatever, because I went through it and survived/made it through/is still breathing…but then, I feel as though if they’re not presented with the right packaging since they are, only written words, or a wondering tune, and music in my head right now.
2) when it all comes out, I really want to be able to stand up, and play it, post it, sing it, scream it, live it and be it. Those of you that are helping me in this process (which has been a very private and personal one up until recently when some very incredible people made me feel safe enough, that I could put myself out there and tell them my ideas with such vulnerably and trust, that I felt ready to work on it all) know how much of my heart and soul, and life I have put into this…. when I say life, sometimes I feel like the only thing that I am feeding my daily energy to that is at all fruitful… sometimes its the only thing I have the energy to put out for.
3) I’m pretty sure that only a few people actually read blog posts… so I wouldn’t want to scream them at a brick wall, and waste the positive energy, Which in the end only leaves me feeling rejected and lifeless. honestly, it really sucks when you post something you’re really stoked about…. and you’re like “omg this is so going to get the attention it deserves!” and you refresh your screen like a million and one times, and the tumblr nation is still oblivious.
thankyou to those couple people out there if they just read this. hahahha
