The Internal Dialogue of Seeing a Police Car.

  • “I should really slow down.
  • “Shit! I can’t remember what the speed limit on a freeway is, I never drive it! I have places to go”
  • “I feel like I wonder that every time I see a cop, I should really remember it for times like these”
  • “is it illigal to drive with your phone sitting in your lap? I mean its not like I’m talking on it…at the moment…”
  • “I wonder where my wallet is, if I get pulled over…”
  • “Is it totally ass kissing to say ‘hello officer?’” -” In movies they say, ‘what seems to be the problem officer?’…but I totally couldn’t pull that off…”
  • “Isn’t the point, to kiss their ass? Or does that just make you seem guilty?”
  • “I have nothing to be guilty for!”
  • “or do I?”
  • “no….its good….I don’t! Hahaha”
  • “I wonder if I have ADD I mean I’ve had like a dozen thoughts in the last couple seconds….”
  • “why do I really have to pee all of a sudden?” “I wonder if I’ve been swerving, I’ve been so busy thinking I totally wasn’t paying attention….he’s going to think I’m drunk! And then he’s going to ask me to walk in a straight line! I can’t do that no matter how sober I am!” ” I wonder if I smell like weed! I was at someones house tonight and they smelled like weed…”
  • “I can’t smell myself!!!”
  • ” He’s pulling someone else over….I’m good, I’ll be totally in the clear in about a mile.”
  • “Thank god! I mean driving what I hope is near the speed limit is like going in slow motion, I may as well be back in the old days with a horse and carriage….”
  • “…that was the longest minute ever….I wonder if that thought is slow…”
  • “why did I turn the music off? as if silence would protect me…like when you’re trying to find a street, you turn the music off as if it will help you see better…” -“Like Dane Cook said….I wonder if he’s doing anything funny anymore…”